This I believe...Mentors, trailblazers and inspiration...

That when you're setting out on a new path, it's a good idea to look ahead of you to see if there's anyone on a similar road from which you might draw inspiration, guidance or wisdom from. (Even the "how not to do it" examples are worth watching out for)

So here's a little shoutout of thanks to Wanderlusting, Escape from New York, and Strange Bird who defintely fall into the former category. For being on your own paths in life and leading the way in various respects for others via your blogged adventures. You are totally inspirational!

The Travel Fund, step 3, item 12, numeral IIV, continuation of part 6B...

aka. The Debt Paydown

As of today I have officially paid off one of the major debts that's been hounding me for over two years. When I called today to verify I was at a zero balance the customer service rep actually said "Congratulations."

I have to say I'm getting addicted to this feeling: every time I've successfully zeroed out a debt in the last six mouths (three and counting!) it's like having a rock removed from the invisible backpack between my shoulder blades. I have to stop myself from literally doing a freedom dance around the office. There is something so liberating about realizing I owe one less company any bit of my hard earned money.

Better yet, each payoff has had this snowball "prosperity effect" on the rest of my perceptions of my financial life. As my bottom line improves I find myself feeling less behind, less embroiled in struggle to stay afloat. Rather, my savings has increased, and I no longer feel so paycheck bound. Plus, having a savings goal, its much easier to look at something in the store and fight that initial "I want it" reaction. I can look at a pair of shoes and see two full days of travel expenses and the decision is made for me. I just feel better about my money. Even with the gas prices going up and the economy in the shitthole, I've managed to keep my expenses growth to a minimum and stay entirely on target financially. I'm not counting pennies so much anymore, but I have a way more cogent picture of where my money is going and an easier time keeping it headed the right directions.

Having a budget, goals and sticking to them has had the exact opposite affect of what I feared for so long. Instead of making me feel hemmed in and like I was punishing myself, I actually feel more liberated: Less like I've got rules to follow and more like I'm on track. I actually feel really independent and much more confident about my ability to take care of myself. Even with all these "rules" I still have way more freedom than I ever had when I was making it up as I went along and dreaming about "someday."

Ferking Suze Orman was right.

The nitty gritty: I'm 3/4 of the way to having met my "Uh-oh Fund" goals (I had to dip into it for a minor "uh-oh" last month, but I just took a breath, withdrew the money and reminded myself that's what it's there for). I'm also about a 1/5th into the Travel Fund, which is about where I expected at this point. It seems a bit low, but that's not counting interest. Additionally, the next six months are going to be bigger because having less debt to pay off means having more income to tuck away into savings with every check.

Ever have those moments where you feel like a grownup, and suddenly that's not such an awful thing?

When? What brought it on? How did it make you feel?

(And does anyone know where I can get one of those clever little bar graph/pie charts widgets so I can track all this progress on my sidebar?)

He called her a WHAT?!

Okay I have been trying to keep my blog out of the political fray, but this was just too funny to pass up. Especially the reporter's slip up during his "stand-up" live brodcast.

Warning..."Coarse" Language is involved.



And frankly, even if it is bullsh*t, I don't feel bad in the slightest for passing it along...

Should I stay or should I go now...

I looked at an apartment this weekend. A Belltown studio not far from EVERYTHING that is the best of downtown Seattle.

Truth is I've been surfing Craigslist in my spare time for the last few weeks, ostensibly as a way to kill time while waiting for the go-ahead on a project. See I like my living arrangement, and my roommate, but two things have come become abundantly clear:

1. The commute is killing me. Spending 45 minutes to an 1 hour and 15 minutes in traffic each way blows.
2. More importantly, I like my house plenty, but it started out temporary and has never quite fit. I miss having a space that feels like I belong in it. It's not about the length of time I'll be there, just the FEELING of being in it. The feeling of it being RIGHT.
   

Since I'm not in a hurry or wanting to get into a year long lease I've been cruising the sublets and lease takeovers. There's a certain luxury to this particular kind of hunt. For the first time I'm not desperately in need of housing: I have a roof over my head, I'm just trying to figure out if its the best place for me right now and if there might be something that fits me better out there.

The studio was cute (aka small but charming) in an old building with lots of windows and a fantastic view of the SPACE NEEDLE from the rooftop garden. The Monorail would be crusing by, but because the unit was in the back of the building, the sound was negligible. Not far from Westlake, a movie theater, a grocery store and my favorite donut shop ever, Top Pot. Its a block walk to the bus that runs direct to my job - shortening my commute to a perfectly acceptable 25minutes.

In the end I didn't take it. For a myriad of smaller reasons, and few I could actually verbalize. It just wasn't a good fit. I could have done without parking, and would have been fine with the creepy basement laundry room - but at the end of the tour I just didn't feel it. Something else is out there for me, and if it's meant to be, I'll know it. The luxury of my situation is not having to take the first thing that comes along.

It's kinda like how I feel about being single at the moment.

Case in point, SpiderMan turned out to be awesome. There was the constant humorous banter, the good manners, the charming adventure stories, the follow up questions ("so tell me more about how you got into that job?") and the charming old school gentleman behavior. Aside from the fact that SpiderMan is newly separated from his Mary Jane, he is pretty damn near everything I asked for. Including even the fact that he was perfectly honest and upfront with his situation BEFORE we took a trip down Intimacy Lane.

There was a time when I would have taken him no questions asked, substantial baggage and uncertain matrimonial status as he is. I would have fallen straight into love without a backward glance. Who knows, maybe it would have been fine. More than likely though it would have been a disaster. The divorce isn't even final - if it's even on the table. And since she was the one to pull the plug, he's going to be the one doing the "getting over it." I can see it in his eyes that he still has a lot invested in Them, and probably will for a while. Plus, nice as he is, I'm no man's rebound.

Instead I thanked him from the bottom of my heart for his honesty and wished that the best of all possible outcomes would be his regarding the matrimonial situation but declined the opportunity to continue to see him on a romantic basis. It actually worked. We've been hanging out - as friends - catching the odd after work smoothie or stroll downtown between buses - with no awkward chemistry involved.

But there's something else for me out there, both in a living space and a partner. I'm not foolish enough to think either one will be "perfect," but it will be the right for me. I don't have to be in a hurry, and it's okay to walk away from that apartment, or the dinner table with a moment of wondering "what if." That moment faded quickly because I followed my gut, and that means I made the right decision.

The quickest way to get over someone...is to get under somebody else.

Okay so I don't really subscribe to that one, but it did get your attention, didn't it?

So tonight I have a date. Which could definitely be considered getting back on that particular horse rather quickly - but this funny thing happens sometimes when you tell the universe what you think you need (in this case, some "Time Off") and it gives you what it thinks you need (ie. an abundance, very good looking men in a short amount of time who seem particularly interesting and particularly interested in, you.)

I'm of two minds about all this. One I really do need the me time, and the last four weeks have been nothing but that. Hanging out with friends, going home alone, playing the "what do I want to do today game," cleaning house, packaging up momentos, reconnecting with old friends. And to be honest, am I over HF? Who knows. I still get the occasional dull ache of missing that dude, and the tinge of regret for how things just didn't work out.

As Madeline Peyroux sings:

Once in a while I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once and a while
Comes and fades away*

The good news: I haven't called written or spoken to him in four weeks, not even under the influence of hooch. Which has historically been a problem and lead to some tearful, tentative and eventually disasterous ex-sex. I have also not, crusied by his house, visited "our spots" hoping to see him, called his friends (or hassled "our friends" for details) and have had only one big bitching session with girls about "what went wrong." Major accomplishment.

Still, I'm thinking time off is a good idea. Take some yoga classes, get back into dancing, drag the girls out to happy hour on a regular basis, interact with my male friends on a strictly friends basis. Sure I'm a little horny but that's not something that can't get fixed with a bit of "mouse clicking" (if ya know what I mean) But I put my face to the universe when I wake up in the morning and I say "thank you for one more day to figure this shit without worring about somebody else for a change."

Of course, there's a song for what happens next:

Maybe I got a lot to learn
Time can slip away
Sometimes you got to lose it all
Before you find your way
Take a chance, play your part
Make romance, it might break your heart.
But if you think that time will change your ways
Don't wait too long

Then I look up one day at work and notice the Audi (classy, well engineered and very German) strike up a totally random conversation and wind up having WAY too much in common although he's very much my senior and doesn't look a year of it. Platonics are the rule for work relationships, but you ever get that feeling that if that particular situation were different, a lot of other things would be differnt too. Yeah.

And then comes along Spiderman, the New Zealand transplant. Who is cute in that sort of sandy blond labrador retriever sort of way, athletic, oddly single, adventurous and who I could talk with for HOURS - and have. (More on this one in a minute)

And then yesterday, taking LegalGrrl's puppy to the park for some frisbee I met the most charming and (probably a few years younger) social programmer - Astro. His dog and LegalGrrl's hound took a liking to each other and did the rolling wrestling thing while we talked. He did the most attentive listening I've ever expereinced: when distracted by the dogs or other people he would return immediatly and reference the last few words out of my mouth beginning with the phrase "tell me about..."
Very, very sexy.

Confession time. I have never really "dated" I have spent much of my life getting into relationships with my friends, (always ending in disaster when it ends) or being a solo act. So when Spidey called last week wondering if I would like to go have a drink after work it took me a minute to realize he was asking me "out." This morning I checked messages and Astro is wondering when we could meet a the park with the dogs and maybe get some coffee.

WTF?! So I said yes.

To both.

Fact of the matter is, all of the above could come out to nothing much at all. TAKE IT SLOW has become my theme song when the phone rings and it's a boy. But seeing multiple people at the same time - is kind of a new thing for me. And in fact, I am kinda holding out a bit of hope that maybe the Audi and I's platonicism might evolve into something else entirely, but I am more happy to have a friendly face at work than another boy on the plate.

In the meantime, I am still in Time Off mode. I cleaned my apartment top to bottom last night as Seattle cooled off, turned the phone off and then sorted mail and watched America's Next Dance Crew while dining on steamed Asparagus, fresh tomatoes and mozzarella balls - coffee table for one, please. I slept like a baby.








* so the other part of this song goes something like:

I don't know what love is
I'm selfish and lazy
And when I get scared
I can act like I'm crazy.

..which may also apply, but that's another post.